Constipation proclamation / Fatal errors / ‘Ook’ book cooked

Constipation proclamation. Thanks in part to a rising tide, a massive container ship has been freed from its sticking point in the Suez Canal …
 … maybe in time to avert a fresh round of toilet paper shortages.
Chicago radio and TV host Jon Hansen turned the Suez situation into a hilarious Chicago-style traffic report.

Somebodies she sent. Crain’s reports an influential state lawmaker who’s also an executive at Chicago’s scandalized scandal-scarred Loretto Hospital gave the hospital lists of people to be vaccinated against COVID-19—even though some of them were outside the protocols for getting a shot.
Beware counterfeit vaccination cards for sale online and in the Chicago area.

‘The average cost to rent an office space is $7,000 per employee. So if your employer decided to pocket $5,000 and offer you an extra $2,000 a year to work at home … would you take it?’ The Sun-Times’ Neil Steinberg considers the pandemic’s impact on workplaces—and newsrooms in particular.
The Chicago Tribune’s savior from the vampiric Alden Global Capital hedge fund could be an aging billionaire environmentalist in Wyoming.
Here’s what’s on the line as Amazon workers’ historic union vote nears its end today.

‘The biggest trial of the streaming age.’ That’s how CNN’s Brian Stelter describes the case against ex-Minneapolis cop Derek Chauvin, accused of murdering George Floyd—an act that triggered protests nationwide.
Updating coverage: Legal experts expect bystander video to show up early in the trial.

‘An armed confrontation.’ A Chicago cop shot and killed a person in the Little Village neighborhood early today.
Cook County State’s Attorney Kim Foxx says new research supports her contention that police file too many misdemeanor cases—increasing the odds suspects will face subsequent criminal complaints.

Biden’s misfire. CNN fact-checker Daniel Dale says the president got it wrong when he claimed, “The only gun control legislation ever passed is mine.”
But Biden sounds nevertheless confident his administration can do it again.

Fatal errors. Two separate wrong-way crashes on the Eisenhower Expressway left five people dead early today.
A thief took off with the SUV of a Cook County judge Saturday morning as she was pumping gas on the Southwest Side.

Unstoppable? Banned by almost every major social media platform, a reactionary 22-year-old west suburban guy labeled a “white supremacist” by the FBI still hasn’t disappeared from the internet, the Tribune’s John Keilman reports.
Suburban school board races are hot as voters split over plans to reopen schools in the pandemic.

‘I thank Ms. Walter for the life-lesson she gave me.’ The death of TV and movie star Jessica Walter takes blogger Mike Gold back to a scary memory from the early days of Chicago’s underground FM radio scene.
Radio consultant Fred Jacobs advises stations whose DJs are being stalked: “Put those request lines on hold, block wherever you can on social media, and above all else, protect your talent.”
Sun-Times critic Richard Roeper reviews an HBO documentary that assembles cell-phone footage into the tale of The Last Cruise at the start of the pandemic.

Ook book cooked. Scholastic is yanking The Adventures of Ook and Gluk, a book by Captain Underpants creator Dav Pilkey, who’s conceded it “perpetuates passive racism” …
 … and who’s pledged on YouTube to donate his advance and all royalties from the book to groups dedicated to stopping violence against Asians and to promoting diversity in publishing.

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