Come Monday. Aligning with Gov. Pritzker’s statewide move as COVID-19’s omicron wave recedes, Chicago next week will end its mask and proof-of-vaccine mandates …
■ The Onion: “Woman Desperately Seeking Excuse To Assault Retail Workers Now That Mask Mandate Lifted.”
Sorry about the ‘Keep my f______ name out of your mouth.’ A Woodstock Republican in the Illinois House has apologized over a confrontation with a Chicago Democrat who mistakenly flagged him as not wearing a mask on the House floor.
■ A Downstate lawyer who’s repeatedly challenged Illinois’ pandemic regulations is seeking the Republican nomination for attorney general.
4,000 1,600 free rides. In a surprise announcement, a Chicago charity pledged to send all the students at two Chicago high schools—and one of each of those kids’ parents—to college on full scholarships …
■ … and kids at three more schools will be similarly surprised this week.
‘My auntie’s probably your boss.’ That’s what a source tells the Sun-Times the niece of the Chicago Police Department’s chief of internal affairs told cops who found heroin in the car she was driving—a Lexus belonging to her aunt.
■ State Sen. Thomas Cullerton—scion of an Illinois political dynasty—has quit and plans to plead guilty in a federal embezzlement case.
■ Chicago Reader columnist Ben Joravsky says he was astounded by something a 30-year-old juror said after convicting Ald. Patrick Daley Thompson on tax fraud.
‘Boomer fantasies of world peace die in Ukraine.’ Philadelphia Inquirer columnist Will Bunch: “We’ve had 77 long years since the last world war to build the kind of planet where that could never happen again, and it looks like we blew it.”
■ Stephen Colbert on President Vladimir Putin’s claim to be carrying out “peacekeeping functions” [imitating Putin]: “It’s true. I keep this piece of Ukraine. I keep that piece of Ukraine. I keep all the pieces of Ukraine. I am piece-keeping.”
Chicagoan of note. Add Athanasios Zoyganeles to the list of local folk charged in connection with last year’s insurrection at the Capitol.
■ Read the government case against him here.
■ He was nabbed after a tipster flagged “creepy video of him in the Capitol” on Facebook.
■ Popular Information: “An obscure far-right website with three employees dominates Facebook.”
■ Ex-Chicago playwright David Mamet says Donald Trump “did a great job as a president.”
‘A dramatic shift.’ A lawyer who won a six-figure award for a bicyclist injured when a passenger abruptly opened a car door tells Block Club Chicago the verdict signals significant evolution in the public’s understanding of the need to respect bike lanes.
■ An overhaul’s taking shape for Logan Square’s decaying skate park.
‘There’s a five-letter word for anyone who disagrees with us: TYRANT.’ Ex-Tribune columnist Rex Huppke made his USA Today debut with a (mock) rant against Wordle.
■ Follow his new gig here.
■ Tedium offers a history of online word games.
‘Embrace the controversy.’ Writing in the Tribune, acclaimed journalist Jamie Kalven offers the Reader a way out of the mess over a major funder’s claim of censorship.
■ The first U.S. newspaper dedicated to ending slavery, The Emancipator, is back.
■ You can sign up for its newsletter here.
■ One of its co-editors-in-chief joined the Square Podcast last year, too.
Summer’s near and the time is right for glancing at these tees. Take a poll to help decide what a limited-run, first-edition Square T-shirt should look like.
■ Chris Koenig made this edition better.