‘Obscene’ / ‘Everyone thinks Trump won last night. They’re wrong.’ / Comcast may owe you $50

‘Obscene.’ That’s Maryland Democratic Sen. Chris Van Hollen’s assessment of the Trump administration’s proposed $1.776 billion fund to pay individuals who believe they were targeted politically—for, among other things, the Jan. 6, 2021, riot …
 … part of a plan that would also leave the government “FOREVER BARRED and PRECLUDED” from subjecting Trump, his family and his businesses to tax audits, back taxes and tax penalties.
Update, 10:18 a.m.: Jan. 6 police officers are suing to block the scheme.
Talking Points Memo: “Trump’s blatantly corrupt slush fund” has forced his acolytes, including acting Attorney General Todd Blanche, “to sorta publicly eat shit.”
Wonkette’s Evan Hurst: “Todd was lying to Congress.”
Blanche suggested the initiative could mean cash for anyone ever prosecuted for assaulting law enforcers.
The Washington Post (gift link): Trump “will have ultimate authority over appointing a five-member panel deciding how much to dole out and to whom.”
Historian Heather Cox Richardson: “The insistence of Trump cronies that the Department of Justice and federal judges ‘weaponized’ the law against them … is another example of regime officials blaming others for what they, themselves, are doing.” (Cartoon: Jack Ohman.)
Chicago-born journalist Terry Moran—fired from ABC after a tweet critical of Trump—calls it plunder: “They are not hiding it. They are not ashamed of it. They want us to … accommodate ourselves to the new order of things.”
Former AP D.C. bureau chief Ron Fournier calls it “the latest step toward institutionalizing corruption for all future presidents. Where is MAGA’s outrage?

‘FAJITA: Forget About Jurisprudence If Trump’s Around.’ Borowitz Report satirist Carlos Greaves adds more acronyms to Trumpwatchers’ vocabulary.
Columnist Jeff Tiedrich analyzes the president’s “hastily-thrown-together, unscheduled presser” to “listen to him blither incoherently about the construction of his beloved Epstein Dance Hall.”

‘Everyone thinks Trump won last night. They’re wrong.’ Pod Save America cohost Dan Pfeiffer says the president’s run of Republican primary successes is stacking November’s ballots with candidates unable “to show some independence from the deeply unpopular president.”
A Senate Republican operative tells Politico: “Those so-called victories … are just a mirage. They are self-owns.”
Democratic strategist David Axelrod says Republicans “can’t live in the Republican Party without Donald Trump, and they can’t live outside of the Republican Party with Donald Trump because he’s an epically unpopular president.”
The AP: Results from Alabama, Georgia, Idaho, Kentucky, Oregon and Pennsylvania leave no doubt about Trump’s sway over the party.
With the support of a Republican that Trump successfully campaigned against, the Senate voted last night to advance a measure curbing the president’s war on Iran.

‘Being formed by Christians does not a Christian nation make.’ Columnist Neil Steinberg says those who organized Sunday’s America-is-Christian rally in D.C. “are the same people who … claim to feel bad if minor details like slavery or labor strife or mass immigration manage to nudge themselves into a textbook.”
The FBI says two teens who shot and killed three people at a California mosque—before killing themselves—met and shared racist tropes online.

An ‘ugly’ turn. Politico’s Shia Kapos maps the political battle brewing in the unfolding campaigns for Chicago’s first fully elected school board.
Block Club: A shortage of Chicago Public Library drivers has slowed the delivery of books from one branch to another.

‘Intelligent search box.’ Google’s unveiled what it calls its biggest search upgrade in a quarter century: A visit to Google.com activates a box that’ll expand to accommodate longer, conversational queries and help users compose ’em.
The Neuron: AI agent Gemini “is becoming the layer underneath the apps people already use.”
CNN’s Lisa Eadicicco: “Google wants to help you google less.”
A.V. Club: “It’s time to google Google replacement.”
In the spotlight at this week’s National Restaurant Association show in Chicago: Robots that make sushi and mix drinks.

Comcast/Xfinity may owe you $50—or more. The company’s notifying customers whose personal information was breached in October 2023 that they can claim cash under a class action settlement.
Scour your email for the plaintiff’s name, Hasson.
Tech columnist Kim Komando: Returning too many purchases can get you banned from Amazon.

‘Did I violate news ethics?’ Chicago news veteran—and former Better Government Association chief—Andy Shaw says he’s “feeling a bit guilty” about giving a pass to the late Billy Goat Tavern owner Sam Sianis in a 2004 scandal.
The owner of Gene & Georgetti’s restaurant accuses Midway Airport’s concessions overseer of abusing its name and compromising its reputation.

‘You’re gonna enjoy watching Matlock in this motherfucker.’ Jon Stewart last night gifted the soon-to-be canceled Stephen Colbert with … a recliner.
Colbert’s guests for this evening’s penultimate episode include Bruce Springsteen.
A Penn State literature professor declares Colbert “one of the most important satirists in American history.”
Rupert Murdoch’s more progressive son is buying half of Vox Media, parent to New York magazine.

‘Really, really bad’ / Ebola rising / ‘Führer Trump was furious’

‘This is … really, really bad.’ Law professor Joyce Vance says President Trump’s plan to give $1.8 billion in taxpayer money to people who stormed the Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021, is “corruption in plain sight.”
 Read Trump’s “settlement” with his own administration to create an “Anti-Weaponization Fund”—a scheme that Law Dork Chris Geidner calls “a cartoonishly evil, corrupt act in defiance of all ethical and democratic norms.”
 Columnist Jeff Tiedrich: “Donny phoned up Todd Blanche—the acting attorney general who is apparently under the impression that he’s still Donny’s personal lawyer—and said ‘give me money,’ and Todd was all ‘how much?’
 The Bulwark’s Andrew Egger: “Everything about the settlement fund … is deliberately structured to short-circuit all outside accountability, government oversight or judicial review.”
 Without comment—but with noteworthy timing—the Treasury Department’s top lawyer quit hours after the deal was announced.
 Stop the Presses proprietor Mark Jacob appeals to mainstream media: “Stop calling it ‘a break from norms.’ … Make sure everyone knows the president is a crook.”
 The Onion paraphrases: “I’ve gone too long without $1.2 trillion that I’d very much like to have so I can spend it on things I want. It is also possible I’ll want to have more money at a later date, and I will request it then.”
 As Trump plans to loot the treasury, the average price of gasoline in Illinois has now topped $5/gallon. (Cartoon: Jack Ohman.)

‘Is there a future in politics for Republicans who cross President Donald Trump?’ The AP says the signs in today’s primaries point to “No” …
 … but columnist Eric Zorn says that’s not necessarily bad news.
 Politico lists six contests to watch.

‘Masked federal agents were terrorizing our communities.’ A Chicago City Council member’s suing federal immigration agents, alleging they abused her in October.
 A Minnesota county prosecutor’s filing state charges against an ICE agent for the shooting of a Venezuelan man through the front door of his home.
 Popular Information: “Inside California’s ICE facilities: Deaths, denied care and ‘dog food.’
 A new Brookings Institution report counts more than 100,000 family separations in Trump’s deportation onslaught (another Times gift link).

Ebola rising. The World Health Organization’s director-general says the “scale and speed” of an outbreak in the Congo has him “deeply concerned.”
 Your Local Epidemiologist: “Mother Nature seems mad at us. Or … this is what happens when we dismantle public health systems.”
 PolitiFact tackles questions about the outbreak.
 Inside Medicine columnist Dr. Jeremy Faust: The CDC won’t say the “Q word.”
 Illinois is among 25 states that have filed a lawsuit against the Trump administration, contending its limits on graduate students’ federal loans will exacerbate a health care workforce shortage (Washington Post gift link).

Transit crime task force. A coalition of agencies is pledging new focus on violent crimes committed on CTA buses and trains.
 Scheduled for Chicago’s lakefront tomorrow evening: An 8 1/2-mile “Ride of Silence” to mourn the lives of bicyclists killed on public roadways.
 Someone new to curse: A New York-based investment firm is in line to take over Chicago’s parking meters.

Who goes there? 404 Media reports that the FBI wants to buy access to automated license plate readers nationwide, which would help the agency “track the movements of vehicles—and by extension people—across the country without a warrant.”
 One of only a few companies likely to be able to provide that functionality? Chicago-based Motorola Solutions.

‘Führer Trump was furious at Colbert’s mocking.’ Columnist Robert Reich bids farewell to the CBS show hosted by Stephen Colbert …
 … whose week began with a “Worst of” episode—the unedited version of which has been posted online …
 … and whose Thursday finale the network says will run long.
 His longtime collaborator Jon Stewart last night closed The Daily Show with a “Moment of Zen” for Colbert.
 Adjusting to the end of federal subsidies, National Public Radio’s offering buyouts to 300 workers—although it’s apparently looking to grant only about 30.

So much for ‘climate-friendly’ style. Clothing company Everlane is reportedly selling out to Shein …
 … which the environmental newsletter Heated calls “the most-polluting fast fashion brand on Earth.”
 Trump’s EPA is proposing to repeal limits on “forever chemicals” contaminating the nation’s drinking water.

‘A very long TV episode—and just an OK one.’ The first new Star Wars movie in seven years—The Mandalorian and Grogu—is getting lukewarm reviews.
 The Hollywood Reporter:Just good enough to make you wish it were better.”
 Variety calls it “efficient.”

Bear emotions. Spotlighting a tense relationship between the two men, Gov. Pritzker says Mayor Johnson has “no plan” to keep the Bears in Chicago.
 In an interview with Chicago magazine, Pritzker insists a presidential campaign is “not something that’s occupying my psyche.”
 Cubs fans who like to piss away money gamble with DraftKings won’t be able to do it in person at Wrigley Field after this month.

‘Give those pearls a rest, Methuselah.’ Columnist Mike Gold comforts oldsters mourning the decline of cursive writing.
 Candidates for Chicago’s first fully elected school board have a week left to file the necessary signatures.

‘A newscast by email
©.’ That was the idea that inspired Chicago Public Square’s creation almost 9 1/2 years ago (2017 link).
 It’s still here, free for all, because readers voluntarily have pitched in to underwrite the cost of its production and distribution.
 If you haven’t done so yet, now’s a great time to kick in a buck or two.
 Mike Braden made this edition better.

Square up.

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